Grief is difficult, but with a little compassion, we can get through it.
Grief is difficult, but with a little compassion, we can get through it.You can find solstice in grief.
This is an episode from the archives.
I feel it’s appropriate to share because of the time of year and because grief affects so many of us. It’s as important for me as it might be for you.
I had another podcast and this was one of the episodes I felt was important to share. Enjoy this bonus episode.
What is Death Day?
Monday, the 29th, is a day that my good friend calls “death day”.
The leaves are almost all gone, and winter will be quickly upon us. It has the feeling of stillness and a tad of sadness. And in some cases, death can force us to be still so we can reflect and challenge our status quo.
The other reason is that over the past couple of months, life has been a little bit challenging for me to say the least.
It’s been around the three-month mark since I moved out of the home that I was living in for over 27 years to a new state. Mind you, I lived in RI my entire life. Then two weeks after I arrived here in July, my dad also passed away unexpectedly.
Grief comes in many forms and layers and it has hit me on all fronts.
I figured that it would be good to listen and see if what I said a year ago is still relevant to me in my state of mind today.
This particular episode surprised me.
And I can honestly say that my OWN podcast made me cry.
It was so cathartic for me.
So I just wanted to say all that before I turn you over to a previously recorded episode.
I did do some edits and added a little music, but for the most part, it is unchanged from the original.
I hope that this episode gives you just as much comfort as it just gave me.
Enjoy and I will catch you at the end.
Grief is the most complex emotion next to love.
And when it hits us we don’t know what to do. It feels like our brain stops working while our body catches up. It’s a horrible feeling.
Grieving is something we all have to do at one point in our lives. We can’t get out of this one alive. Yet, it is an emotion that we stuff as far down as we can. We want to believe it is not true, that we can change it, and that we are being punished by it. All of this is further from the truth.
Grief is one of the greatest teachers.
It forces you to look within.
To appreciate the small things in life, to teach you how to use your grief on purpose, and above all to be more compassionate with yourself and others.
But in order to find the power in grief, you have to grieve and you need to do something mindfully, of course.
First off, take a breath and realize that change is inevitable. You will not be the same, and that is ok.
This is why grief is also a form of growth. You become stronger as you learn to navigate this difficult journey.
Here is a powerful story about grief
disclaimer: trigger warning-child
The Mustard Seed Story
Kisa Gotami was a young woman who was married and had a child. She would do anything for her son. Tragically, her son became severely ill and died. Kisa’s grief was unbearable. She could not let go of her child… she wept and wept….not knowing what to do.
One day she passed by a bamboo grove where the Buddha and his followers were staying. She knew of his reputation and believed that he would be able to bring her son back to life. “O awakened one,” she said to him, “I ask you, please, bring my baby back to life.”
The Buddha looked deeply into her tortured eyes and saw that she was being destroyed by her grief. He gently took her hands in his and responded, “I will, but you must help me.” Of course, she agreed, and he told her what she must do: “Return to your village and bring me a mustard seed from a house in which no one has died. With such a seed, I can restore your child to life.”
Kisa Gotami hurried off to her village in search of the seed, a project she expected to complete quickly. She stopped at the first house she came to on the outskirts of her village and urgently inquired about the seed. “Of course, I have mustard seeds,” the woman told her. “And you may certainly have one.” As the woman handed her the seed, Kisa Gotami recounted what the Buddha had told her. “Oh,” said the woman, “my father died just this last week.” “I am very sorry, for I know how terrible grief is,” Kisa responded, “I shall go on to look for my seed elsewhere.”
She continued her trek through the village, always being received cordially by householders who were certain they had mustard seeds, only to be told, again and again, that death had come to those houses, too.
Finally, she then returned to the grove where the Buddha was staying. He watched her as she approached. He saw the difference in her immediately. Her eyes were clear, her stride calm and sure, her head erect.
“Kisa, did you find your mustard seed?” he inquired softly.
“Yes,” she answered, “but not the one you told me about, from a house in which no one had died. She took a deep breath in….and stated “I have come to understand that death visits every household and eventually, every single one of us.”
“Yes,” the Buddha said, “now you know the truth.”
Take a deep breath….
So, how does one grieve mindfully?
You grieve on purpose.
You probably already know that there are stages of grief and you will go through them in your own way. That is OK. Allow the emotion to come up as it is.
Feel it, acknowledge it, and know that every emotion that rises, must come back down.
Instead of moving on, you move within.
Even though you are feeling these difficult waves of emotions, you can still sense (underneath) that you are okay. Under these waves, underneath there is a sense of calm. It’s within that stillness that we can find compassion for ourselves and others.
When you feel that, acknowledge that too.
As you begin to use mindfulness as you grieve, you may find your strength from this grief. It may propel you to channel it into something good -A personal cause, a creative expression, or something that lights you up. Whatever you do, remember compassion, humility, and above all, the strength you have within.
Take a deep breath and exhale.
So, before I go, listen closely and remember this ONE thing.
Your future is a thought, your past has passed, but your now is always here.
Be mindful-one minute at a time.
Hugs Cheryl
